Friend?

May I bend your ear?

You look like you might need a plate of tamales.

It will be just a while.

They’ll need to steam, you see, for about 30 minutes.

Why don’t you sit down and talk while our tubular meat pies cook up, Mississippi style?

You ever hear tell of the drunken fiddler who accidentally ate a box turtle?

Ok. Never mind that,

It is a vile story.

How bout this old saw:

A man who, during his incarceration, had conjugal relations with his prize pig?

No. That’s certainly not supper table conversation...

How goes this one down smoothly:

A man was fleeing his home.

God told him that he was doomed!

He was on the wharves of a scary waterfront

Looking for passage:

Away!

The captain disdained him

For he smelled the curse upon him,

It just happened that this captain needed money

And, so, reluctantly took on this cursed passenger.

This passenger lay in the lowest, vilest of quarter.

His head, at night, lay far below the ocean’s surface.

He could feel the pulsation of the sea as an enormous, cetaceous beast stirred from its icy slumber, and began her patient pursuit of this

Cursed passenger.

Across the Indian Ocean and into the Great Australian Bight

Came this toothed whale, pursuing this doomed man.

The wicked flee when

None pursueth.

So the flight of the wicked began,

And one pursueth,

With tooth ringed in a narrow, deadly jaw.

He broke this craft in two!

Almost made it three!

The captain was swallowed by the sea!

His men tossed on the aboriginal shore,

Their hearts and breath:

No more.

The cursed passenger clung to the bowsprit

The behemoth

Done with it

The whole affair gone down the drain of his dreams,

This whale swam to the bottom of the sea.

Let’s give this whale his due:

His name was Japan Jack

And he is coming for you.