Good lord was I a funny bastard!

Even when gloom was upon me!

Even when I was in the southern reaches where no sun could find purchase.

We call that a lake

And not a pond.

Anyway

I found myself trapped in a lake.

My Boston Whaler overturned and I was clutching to it’s upended hull,

Desperately.

Trying to find my own purchase to its slippery white underside.

This was not how I wanted to end my life.

I figured it would be after scoring the buzzer beater in game seven for the Celtics against the Lakers.

Yet here I am slapping at an overturned boat

Outside of Marquette.

On Lake Superior.

Well this certainly is a turn of events.

I’m glad my ma isn’t alive to see this

Or, heck even to be here

That’d be way worse!

Well

Despite my excellent lung ability

And Boy Scout swimming skills

I feel like my time, boys,

Has come and gone.

How I clung! To come to the land of Jubilee!

A mermaid swam up to me

Bald and giant bosomed

With green iridescent nether region

"How are you?"

Says she.

"Me?

Bout to die."

I clambered about the sinking boat

"You?"

She was at ease in the lake.

I was going under.

I asked her:

"What

Does the sea say to a dying man?"

The mermaid says

"It waves goodbye."